I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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