No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
