Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
