even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
