Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
