I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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