Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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