I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I bet he comes in French.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
