his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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