You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just took my morning after pill in the library
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize