you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
