She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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