No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
