My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
