Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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