Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
