Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
