dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
