i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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