Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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