We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
