Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
