Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
