Plan B is the new Plan A
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
