I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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