I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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