a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
