Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
