i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
