can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
