At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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