Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
