Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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