And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
