That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
