how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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