i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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