I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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