Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
