question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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