there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
