I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
