Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
