oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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