I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
