If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
