I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
