happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
