Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
