were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
