no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
