she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
