Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
