I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Panties = found
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize