So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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