i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize