shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Bang-toberfest begins!!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
