why didn't you poke me back
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
