trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
