I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
