so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
