Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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