So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
