I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
