Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
