Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
