soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Boobs speak an international language.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
