so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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