Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize