you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
