I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
