Your dad touched me again.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
