i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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