wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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