so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
