I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
