Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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