how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
