I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
