Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
