Tell her she can't have a vagina
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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