just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
