I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
