he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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