I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
