went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
