i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
