I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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