Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
