So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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