Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
