doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
