i think i have herpe
just one?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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