You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
